Spanking, paddling, whipping, smacking, slapping, yanking, beating... I received all of this growing up. And do you know what I learned from it? To fear. To hide. To be quiet and not show my feelings. To avoid being at home. To be angry. And though I was not a disrespectful child, I did not respect the parent that was inflicting all of this upon my siblings and I.
I don't hate him. And, I do forgive him. It took me a long time to get to that place... Forgiveness... It's a good place to be. The anger, resentment and hurt are gone and I am truly living my life. I arrived there by coming to realize that, this man was once a child himself and someone, probably his own parents did these things to him and he came to learn that this was an acceptable way to discipline a child. After all, his parents and grandparents raised their children this way. It must be right! Add in the fact that he was an alcoholic and you just have a mess...
"How is it then," my sweet man asks, "that you turned out to be the way you are? So gentle, patient, and calm." "How did you come from all of that and not turn out the same way?"
The answer is, I remember.... I remember the physical pain, I remember the bruises and explaining them away. I remember the fear and the shame. I remember hiding it all and keeping it a secret from the world. Most of all, I remember the emotional anguish. That deep, deep sadness and not being able to escape it. And now... I'm a Mom. The greatest gift that can ever be bestowed upon a human being. I'm a Mom!! A parent!! And I NEVER, EVER, want any one of my children to have to feel the pain that I felt growing up. NEVER!!!
And so, I teach them. I lead by example. I treat them with respect and most of the time, they return that respect. I don't hit them, I talk with them. I explain things to them. I take away their privileges. I hold them accountable. And, I love them.... And, do you know what they are learning? To love. To respect. To show compassion and kindness. To be patient and fair. They are learning to be confident and to have self worth. And, they are learning that this is how they deserve to be treated.
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Thank you for your blog post. You are a beautiful person and all parents should strive for the attitude toward their children that you have adopted. The world would be a better place.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Patrick. Your kind words really mean a lot to me. Thank you....
ReplyDeleteyes, what Patrick said... thank you for sharing. I love that you are blogging. Keep it up! Many of us look up to you!
ReplyDeletehi
ReplyDeleteWell said. The best punishment is one that fits the crime and that teaches them to do better.
ReplyDeleteSome people are having a difficult time posting comments on my blog page but, I have recieved some really, really nice comments here on fb and in my inbox. Thank you so much for your kind words and for taking the time to read my posts. I truly appreciate your encouragement!! I am so blessed to have such nice friends here on fb.
ReplyDeleteIt takes a lot of courage to write what you did. It may be a tale as old as time and occurs in more people's lives than we can fathom but for you to share your own personal experiences of pain and suffering really makes me admire you even more. Needless to say, I can relate. I personally admire the fact that you've forgiven your abuser. You are truly remarkable.
ReplyDeleteThank you Fred. That really means a lot to me. I almost didn't post this one. I was worried about how people would react but, it has all been very positive. I'm sorry that you had to go through some of the same things. But, you know, I wouldn't change a thing... Having those experiences has made me who I am today and I am a good person and a good Mama. And, it allows me to reach out to others. It's all good!
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