There is no topic of conversation that is off limits in our house. I have always wanted my kids to feel comfortable coming to me with anything. So, whenever they have come to me with a question, I have always answered, age appropriately. The following is an example of the kind of kids you end up with when you parent this way!
It is early evening. The baby and boys have gone to bed. Joe, the girls and I are settling into the living room for our favorite shows. We are switching from National Geographic's, "Doing the Deed Colonial Style," when Sarah's head whips around to face her sister.
"Wait!", she exclaims. "Did they have condoms in colonial times?"
"I don't think so. I seriously doubt it," Tori answers.
Slightly annoyed, Sarah asks, "Well, why not?"
"Because!" Tori retorts, "They aren't going to be all like, walk down to Ye Druggeth Store and buy me thine condoms and Ye Old NuvaRing!"
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child
Spanking, paddling, whipping, smacking, slapping, yanking, beating... I received all of this growing up. And do you know what I learned from it? To fear. To hide. To be quiet and not show my feelings. To avoid being at home. To be angry. And though I was not a disrespectful child, I did not respect the parent that was inflicting all of this upon my siblings and I.
I don't hate him. And, I do forgive him. It took me a long time to get to that place... Forgiveness... It's a good place to be. The anger, resentment and hurt are gone and I am truly living my life. I arrived there by coming to realize that, this man was once a child himself and someone, probably his own parents did these things to him and he came to learn that this was an acceptable way to discipline a child. After all, his parents and grandparents raised their children this way. It must be right! Add in the fact that he was an alcoholic and you just have a mess...
"How is it then," my sweet man asks, "that you turned out to be the way you are? So gentle, patient, and calm." "How did you come from all of that and not turn out the same way?"
The answer is, I remember.... I remember the physical pain, I remember the bruises and explaining them away. I remember the fear and the shame. I remember hiding it all and keeping it a secret from the world. Most of all, I remember the emotional anguish. That deep, deep sadness and not being able to escape it. And now... I'm a Mom. The greatest gift that can ever be bestowed upon a human being. I'm a Mom!! A parent!! And I NEVER, EVER, want any one of my children to have to feel the pain that I felt growing up. NEVER!!!
And so, I teach them. I lead by example. I treat them with respect and most of the time, they return that respect. I don't hit them, I talk with them. I explain things to them. I take away their privileges. I hold them accountable. And, I love them.... And, do you know what they are learning? To love. To respect. To show compassion and kindness. To be patient and fair. They are learning to be confident and to have self worth. And, they are learning that this is how they deserve to be treated.
I don't hate him. And, I do forgive him. It took me a long time to get to that place... Forgiveness... It's a good place to be. The anger, resentment and hurt are gone and I am truly living my life. I arrived there by coming to realize that, this man was once a child himself and someone, probably his own parents did these things to him and he came to learn that this was an acceptable way to discipline a child. After all, his parents and grandparents raised their children this way. It must be right! Add in the fact that he was an alcoholic and you just have a mess...
"How is it then," my sweet man asks, "that you turned out to be the way you are? So gentle, patient, and calm." "How did you come from all of that and not turn out the same way?"
The answer is, I remember.... I remember the physical pain, I remember the bruises and explaining them away. I remember the fear and the shame. I remember hiding it all and keeping it a secret from the world. Most of all, I remember the emotional anguish. That deep, deep sadness and not being able to escape it. And now... I'm a Mom. The greatest gift that can ever be bestowed upon a human being. I'm a Mom!! A parent!! And I NEVER, EVER, want any one of my children to have to feel the pain that I felt growing up. NEVER!!!
And so, I teach them. I lead by example. I treat them with respect and most of the time, they return that respect. I don't hit them, I talk with them. I explain things to them. I take away their privileges. I hold them accountable. And, I love them.... And, do you know what they are learning? To love. To respect. To show compassion and kindness. To be patient and fair. They are learning to be confident and to have self worth. And, they are learning that this is how they deserve to be treated.
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